LADIES THINK OF THIS

You want to have sex with a man, he does not have a condom. He tell you to swallow the E-Pill, you agree. He also tells you to be using contraceptives, you agree. He tells you to be injected with the 3 months contraceptive, you agree. Somehow you get pregnant, he tells you to abort, you agree.

Tips to make a woman love you more

If you have been struggling to make her love you, today is your lucky day. We have done the research for you.  Now its you job to win her heart. Here is the leakage:

1. Kiss her hands, forehead and nose regularly - nimesema hands sio lips!! Unless ni zile lips zengine...hio inakubalika.

Insecurity looms Kenya

As you remember what happened to Westgate, Lamu, Mpeketoni and Garissa, the same tragedy has hit the Yumbis. 

This one is so sad about the #GarissaAttack

You can't imagine you sister calling and saying "Dad! Dad! Am the next, these people are cutting off our heads,  wengine wamechinjwa.  Good bye.

Egerton Campus Life Facebook group hits 40K+ Members | A brief history

As we commemorate this milestone, we would like give special thanks to Frank Quest and James Last , G7 family, class of 05, 06, 07, 08, 09 who are the pioneers of EGERTON CAMPUS LIFE. 

THE RETURN OF BEVERLYN(BUSTED 3) PART II

The deafening university' ambulance siren pierced through my ears.

I sat in the rear compartment of the ambulance staring Joy's body as the two nurses gave her a precautionery first aid.
The speed and swinging of the ambulance made her body to shake with intense.
Her face still glowed with passion.

I bit my lower lip and swallowed bitterly.
I wondered why Beverlyn had to do such demonic act to a peaceful and kind woman like Joy.

I glanced at the wrist band on her left hand and memories of first day of the semester trickled down my minds. Moulds of tears formed in my eyes. I wished i were the one who had been stubbed instead.

I remember vividly it was on a Monday when i arrived back to Egerton from home.

Joy was already there earlier that day.
Throughout the journey she textd informing me how the two weeks break was long and boring..
She wanted me madily. I had missed her too.

Her words communicated and expressed her in undying love towards me.
She constantly made me to fall in love from time to time,again and again whenever we chatted.

After 8hours of drive, i arrived in school at around 6pm.
Like aperson who knew i had just arrived she called and with a lovly voice she poised,

"Hey swthrt, you mean you are not yet?"
"Here i am babycake,just about to take a taxi to school." i softly answered smiling all along.
"Wow! U mean...ah..u mean you are around? Ooh my boo, i cant wait to see you swthrt,Marish 49." she happily said as she disconected the call.

All i could do was smile and shook my head.

Joy was a real woman who knew how to love and make a man go nuts.
Withing no time, i was infront of her room.
I knocked softly at door and stabilized myself for i knew she would jump over me. Hehe.

The room was silent and no response came from inside.
I pushed the door open and crept inside.
I was welcomed by the sweet aroma of fried rice and chicken.
My mouth was full of saliva and my taste buds were leaky !
Joy had already known rice was my favourite meal.

I shut the door and quickly sunk into my suitcase, i took out a lovly red tedybear, wrapped it in her pink sleeping dress and hid it in her suitcase below the bed.
I then sat back waiting for her to come as i fed on the sweet aroma! Joy was the best cook definately.

After a short moment, the door opened suddenly and behold there she was!
Her head covered in a black stockings, a towel wrapped around her angelic figured body and fell just above her knees.
Her body was dripping wet with water. She was coming from the shower.

"Ooh,oh, oh, sweet intruder in my room," she joked as her lips drew a crazining smile that created the two lovly dimples on her cheecks.

"Look at you, loved one, when did you become a stripper?" i joked as i moved towards her.

With her left hand holding the towel against her body near the armpit she smiled and said,
" Highly corrosive dont touch,"
in one fold, we bursted into laughter!
Soon, Joy was in my arms, she tightly hugged against my body with her wet body.

The smell of her skin made goose bumps to erect all over my body.

"Bebie? Food or your woman first?" she asked softly.
"Ah, ah, i think.." before i could answer she interrupted me,
"Am going to give you choices and plz choose one, hehe,
A.(Your woman)
B. (A)"
I just bursted into laughter as i detached from her.

For sure Joy was a realy fun.
And guess what?

To be continued in part III

Hilarious! Egerton student writes a Players plot

Nothing is much enjoyable and entertaining than ECL when you are Damn bored. You meet all kinds of people; trollers,  bloggers,  jokers,  attention seekers,  reporters, authors. .. and so on.

So today while flipping through the group, I came across this article.  Its hilarious depending on your personality.  All those Shit that rotate in a relationship. Everybody is a player, maybe but most all of you.

So here is the middle finger boner for you:

Official opening dates for 2015/16 academic year

BOSS anamwambia sekretari wake: Wiki hii tutaenda wote Serena Hotel kwenye mkutano fanya mipango yote.

SEKRETARI (anamuaga mumewe):
Tunaenda na bosi Serena hotel kwenye mkutano for 1 week.

MUME (anampigia mpango wa kando):
Mambo safi, wife anaenda kikazi Serena, jitayarishe tujipe raha for 1 week
(Mpango wa kando) anamwambia mwanafunzi wake wa tution:
wiki hii nina kazi fulani hakuna tution mpaka week ijayo.

MWANAFUNZI anampigia simu sugar daddy wake ambaye ndo (BOSS):
Dear hakuna tution wiki hii nakuja kwako.....

BOSS anamwambia sekretari wake:
Siendi Serena tena coz mjukuu wangu atanitembelea.

SEKRETARI: Mume wangu hatuendi Serena

MUME (anampigia Mpango):
dah! mpenzi, huyu fala haendi tena. Shit! So hadi next time plz

Mpango wa kando a.k.a teacher (anampigia mwanafunzi):
Darasa kama kawaida sorry for the earlier message.

MWANAFUNZI: darling tution
inaendelea kumbe, so nakuja wiki ijayo!!

BOSS: Sekretari sorry jitayarishe ile safari ya serena iko palepale......

Utawasaidiaje watu Hawa??

Follow us on Twitter @EgertonLife for news updates at the university.

KTN’s DJ KAYTRIXX makes this much money yet he is a college drop out [Dont try this]

Did you know that KTN’s Str8 Up Live’s DJ Kaytrixx is a bright chap?
Kaytrixx was an Engineering student at Moi University but dropped out after 3 years to concentrate in Deejaying.

High school love letters, did you ever receive or send such letters? Hilarious

Two Campus Ladies Who Exposed Their Body Parts in Public!

 

Two young ladies arrived at church wearing clothes that were quite revealing their body parts.

Here is what the pastor told them: He took a good look at them and made them sit. Then he said something that, they might never forget in their life. He looked at them straight in the eyes and said,

"ladies, everything that God made valuable in this world is well covered and hardly to see, find or get.
1. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected.

2. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell.

3. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers of rock and to get them, you have to work hard & dig deep down to get them. "

He looked at them with serious eyes and said,
"Your body is sacred & unique"
"You are far more precious than gold,diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too." 

So he added that, if you keep your treasured mineral just like gold, diamond & pearls, deeply covered up, a reputable mining organization with the requisite machinery will fly down and conduct years of extensive exploration. First, they will contact your government(family), sign professional contracts(wedding) and mine you professionally( legal marriage).

But if you leave your precious minerals uncovered on the surface of the earth, you always attract a lot of illegal miners to come and mine you illegally. Everybody will just pick up their crude instruments and think they can dig you. (propose to you anyhow n say that you are the most prettiest lady & have sex with you) That is Galamsey. (Prostitution, Hit & run, etc)
Women, don't open yourself for Galamsey operators. Keep your bodies deeply covered so that it invite professional miners to chase you. Let us all encourage our daughters of Zion (Ladies) to dress well & refrain from sexual immorality by sharing this story

Kenya Hakuna Ukabila?

They Key Kenyan held positions.

The Army Commander Is John Karangi.

CBK Governor Is Njuguna Ndung'u.

NSIS Boss Is Michael Gichangi.

CID Director Is Ndegwa Muhoro.

Minister Of Finance Is Njeru Githae,whose Ps Is Joseph Kinywa.

The Head Of Pensions Is Anne Mugo,and The Auditor General Is Priscila Njeri.

KRA Boss Is John Njiraini.The Board Secretary At KRA Is Mrs Ng'ang'a.

Kenya Airport Authority MD Is Stephen Gichuki,and Whose Recently Joined By Erick Kiraithe After Failling To Secure The Inspector General Of Police.

At Kenya RE,the Board Chairman Is Nellius Kariuki.

CEO Of KPLC Is Joseph Njoroge.

CEO Of Kenya Pest Control Is Mrs Gladys Maina.

AG Is Githu Muigai.

The Solicitor General Is Muchemi Wanjiku,whose Deputy Is Muthoni Kamau.

Regester Of Political Parties Is Lucy Ndung'u.

Government Printer Is Andrew Rukaria.

Head Of Civil Service Is Francis Kimemia Repulacing Frances Muthaura.

KBC Managing Director Is Njoroge.

LET US MOVE ON AND BUILD KENYA YETU. ONE LOVE

Pinned from facebook

Some graduates may tarmac forever as LINUS KAIKAI introduces new laws at NMG.

NTV’s Linus Kaikai, has introduced new laws at Nation Media Group that will render thousands of journalism graduates jobless.

The no-nonsense Director claims that he only recognizes graduates from Daystar University and so students from other universities and middle-level colleges can go to hell.

Human Resource officers at Nation Media Group have been ordered to give students from Daystar University first priority in-case of a job interview.

Kaikai believes that students from local Universities such as Nairobi, Moi, Jkuat and Kenyatta are just goons who waste their years in campus and fail to deliver in their work-places.

Kaikai has a bad mentality about students from middle-level colleges such as Zetech, Nairobi Aviation, NIBS and other city colleges. He refers to them as out-casts and good for nothing creatures who can't deliver in any-way.

In-fact, he has ordered their CVs burnt down in-case they apply for a job.

So next time you attempt to apply for a job at Nation Media Group especially in the TV department, mind your institution first.

Source: The Daily Post

Kenyan student inventor receives Sh3.6M funding for The Soular Backpack

McGill University student, Salima Visram, grew up just outside of Mombasa, Kenya next to the Kikambala village where 22,000 people live below the poverty line. From a very young age, Visram was taught to understand the complexities of poverty, and to do whatever she could to contribute to its alleviation.
Over the past 6 months, Visram designed and put together The Soular Backpack, which will allow kids in rural areas to leverage the power of the sun on their long walks to and from school every day. The backpack which has a solar panel and storage battery harnesses the power of the sun and powers a LED lamp, hence allowing children in rural areas, who have no access to electricity or who use kerosene, to study through the night.
The Soular Backpack requires 3-4 hours in the sun and will result in 7-8 hours of light.
Visram started a crowd-funding campaign and as of last Monday, she has been able to reach and surpass her goal of $40,000, which would provide 2,000 Soular Backpacks to villagers in Kikambala village as a pilot project.

Safaricom building a Sh3B boys academy

Safaricom has started construction of M-Pesa Boys Academy that will cater for underprivileged bright boys, just like Starehe Boys.
The Sh3 billion Academy is funded by M-Pesa Foundation and is in a 50-acre land in Thika. Les Baillie, the Executive Director of the M-Pesa Foundation, says the academy will have state-of-the-art facilities and will have a practical hands-on approach in the teaching method.
Safaricom is strategic on impacting communities through innovative and social programs. As opposed to various scholarship programs like Equity Wings To Fly, M-Pesa Academy will seek to influence the students throughout their stay at the 8-4-4 based Academy.
Mr Collymore, however, told Business Daily they have not yet settled on how the selection will be carried out.

Apply now for the Intel University Student Partner Program

We’ve had a very successful first year with the Intel Student Partner Program, which is an opportunity for students to act as liaisons between Intel and their universities.This program is designed to enable students at leading universities across the country to have the opportunity to work closely with Intel and understand our latest technologies. The program is for students who realize the best technology careers come to those who chase their dreams.
Our amazing Student Partners have run hackathons on their campusesin which they’ve trained their fellow students on Android and Intel architecture; as well as helping to organize and participate in events such as the Intel Inter-University Apps Challenge, the Internet of Things Challenge, andCode for Good. In addition, our Student Partners have stood out as exemplary performers. Some have gone on to win regional tech competitions such as the Ampion Bus Challenge, while others have been awarded prestigious scholarships to study abroad.
We’re reopening applications in Kenya for university students across the country to be part of this year’s cohort of Intel Student Partners. Apply here by February 1st to be considered for this exciting opportunity!
How do you apply?
Program Participants can apply to be part of the Intel Student Partner Program by submitting an application here. Application deadline is February 1st, 2015. Participants will need to demonstrate the following values in their application:

• University status: Participants must be enrolled in a full time program at a recognized university in Kenya.(Recognised and Registered as an Institution of Higher Learning by a Government Body).
• Academic excellence: Participants must have a grade point average of minimum B (or equivalent) from their university. Proof of grade point average in the form of academic transcripts is required.
• Leadership experience: Participants must demonstrate that they have previously organized and led other students in running or implementing a project or event that is of value to the University community. Proof for this should be provided in the form of reference letters from the organization for which they implemented the program.
• Intel Developer Zone: Participants must be registered members of the Intel Developer Zone (IDZ). IDZ membership will be verified by including IDZ username in the application process.

Program Duration
Participants can apply at any time until February 1st, 2015, and will be notified within 2 weeks of their application date regarding the status of their application. The Program typically runs for one year, but Intel, at its sole discretion, may determine the end date of the Program.
You can find out more about the application process, program requirements and benefits here.

Janet Mbugua To Be A Mother Soon? Find Out Here!

It came as a disappointment to many after learning that Tv queen Janet Mbugua was dating and getting married to Eddie Ndichu a banker. We had loved to idolise her from her appearances on the Tv, The idea that she would at sometime marry a lucky Gentleman was vague, but it happened all the same. She got engaged to Eddie Ndichu in a  Invite-only party at her parents home at the coast late last year.

 Eddie Ndichu posted on His Instagram an update about the possibility of his "wife" getting twins, 

According to an unconfirmed off-the chart website, paternal instincts are possible and many men can actually tell the gender of the baby that will be born to them. Much like Eddie Did! In his case, he was able to tell that He and his wife will probably be getting twins! Whether by hunch or by telepathy, Eddie seems to be communicating to the world that He  and Bae are actually expecting "Company" in a couple of months.

Source: Ghafla

Amazing – Police Officer Drops New Dancehall Music VIDEO

Since time immemorial, people have believed that nothing good can come out of a Kenyan police. In fact, most of us view them as illiterate fellows who know nothing but cheap bribes. What we forget is that they are like us and some of them actually have talents.

In the this context and to your surprise, a police officer cum musician by the stage-name Sur Andre has dropped an amazing dancehall tune titled ‘police'; a song that focuses on the plight the officers pass through when devotedly servicing citizens. Here is ‘police’ by Andre the police artiste.

People with good writing skills are better at their jobs, get paid more (Infographic)

I’m about to throw you for a loop. People who are good writers are better at their jobs, no matter what that job might be. Shocking, I know. Good writing skills are essential for any type of job you could possibly have. Why? Haven’t you ever composed an email to your boss? If it was full of grammatical errors, I bet they’re looking at you in a different light.
The way you write can say a lot about you. According to the research done by Grammarly for this infographic, writers make fewer errors than other professionals. They usually get paid better per job, too, especially if they’re into engineering and manufacturing. Who knew those fields needed strong writers?
Although this infographic focuses mainly on freelance writers of all backgrounds, the takeaway is still the same. Writing well will get you farther in life and your career than writing poorly. Never fear, though. If you need some help in the writing department, give the Grammarly website a visit. Not only will this writing-enhancement tool instantly proofread your text and correct your grammar mistakes, it also checks your content for plagiarism.

Dating 101: 20 things guys need to know

 

I tend to think I can be pragmatic and so sometimes I think some dating rules are quite, well, absurd. But then again, what would be of me if I didn’t share my two cents on what I think are some vital rules in this jungle we call a dating scene? I know my advice is unsolicited, at least verbally, but being the clairvoyant (as someone called me in the most kind and sarcastic way possible) human being that I am, I could hear the silent cries from people’s hearts. See how deep I can be? And before you offer medical services, No, I am not schizophrenic. I am okay. I just hear loud silent voices. I digress; forgive me, too much to share.

Well, point is, the dating scene is a mess. I am not claiming to be an expert on the matter; I am not here to give Dr. Hart a run for his money. Rather, I just want to share some findings I got while doing my research. This is all for the amelioration of this world, I mean, at some point in your life, you have to do something to help this beautiful planet be better, right? My time has come calling, through the request of one generous lady known as Canduh, on whose platform I air my laundry. Don’t worry, it is clean. Without further ado, here are key things to remember as you navigate your way in the mess.

1. Be decisive. If you want to go out on a date, just ask. Don’t wait for some invisible signal that only you, and maybe superman, can see. Just ask. No, hints do not work. Not even the strongest of them all.
2. Pick up the phone to ask that girl out. Dates need to be asked in person or over the phone. This generation is too messed up, thinking texts and chats are a replacement for lacking manners. I may be an old soul, but some things don’t change. Of course unless you want to hang out with her, then by all means, carpet your way to the friend zone through those texts.
3. Men should still suck it up, grow a pair and ask a girl out!Not text or chat her up, but a real face-t0-face-risking-rejection good old asking a girl out. I promise you, girls appreciate that. Even when you fumble across your words and be all awkward, some find it too cute and even if they didn’t want to go out with you, they just might say yes. This is not to undermine confidence, by now you know the importance of confidence. If not, you are toooo young to date.
4. Don’t over share after the first date. You are still on trial. Ask any girl. Or guy. We all have scarring and scary experiences.
5. Stop it, I mean STOP IT with the feelings. Or at least wait till the third date, by then, you’ll know where you stand. She won’t think it is cute, she’ll think you are unbalanced emotionally. And even in all aspects of your life.
6. Ask her on a date you can afford. If it is coffee, it is coffee. An expensive dinner or lunch is fine too. Or even a picnic in the park. Don’t go over your budget. There is no need for you to go out on a (meal) date and end up drinking water and cursing the girl because she ordered way above your budget.
7. If you ask a girl out, don’t split the bill. Let her offer and then be the man that your mama raised you to be and decline! Simple. Sorry, no one said life was fair. Guys pay up. Of course, if she asks you out, she pays!
8. Every girl has a story to share on this next point. Guys, when the bill comes, take it. Don’t let it sit there for half an hour so she sits there wondering if you’re going to pay or not. Just take it and say, in the manliest tone ever, “I’ve got this”.
9. Twitter generation suffers from this. When on a date, PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY!! Keep it there the whole darn time. Not rocket science. Would you rather be on Twitter than be with the person sitting across from you? (Or besides you, depending on your sitting arrangement.) If you answered yes, then you shouldn’t be on that date in the first place.
10. WATCH YOUR THROAT NOISES DUDES! Way too many of you have issues with snorting, spitting and generally making strange bodily noises. Do I need to say DISGUSTING?!
11. No rude mouth. Please! Not to anyone, not the waiter, not any staff. Act like you have some upbringing. Some call it chivalry, some call it manners, call it whatever. I’ll call it human. Also offer some chivalrous duties, like pulling her chair for her.
12. Do not think a woman’s intelligence in IT, football, cars or whatever ‘manly things’ you may think, is novel or cute. It is patronizing. Times have changed. Keep up!
13. Whining and self-pity are very unattractive. To both sexes. Period.
14. Don’t play games. Grow up and know it is people’s feelings you are dealing with. You want games, stay alone and buy video games or whatever.
15. If you are not happy with the quality of people you are attracting, stop blaming the world, it is you! Bitter truth, but swallow it so you can get better honey. Adjust your expectations. Desperation is NOT attractive. Have some class for yourself.
16. Very very importantly: Exercise! Be fit. Don’t be afraid of a toned body. We know and we appreciate that you love yourself the way you are, but well, I mean, you can love yourself better. If that is no motivation, do it for your own health’s sake. Unless you are working towards paying hospital bills while your peers enjoy vacations in the Alps and/or the unbelievably white beaches of The Maldives.
17. No one, and I mean no one, will reject you for having zero tattoos. Some, however, might reject you for having too many. Exercise caution. I’d say “to each his own”, but we all know prejudices are real.
18. Ladies, do not expect men to act like women. They are not your girlfriends. They never will be. Have girlfriends for that.
19. Gentlemen; your girl is not your boy. I cannot overstate the importance of this notion. Your girl is not one of your boys. No matter how tight you are or how long you have been dating. Don’t treat her as if she was. If you compete with your boys to see who has the loudest and smelliest farts, save it for them. We have manners.
20. Finally, there are really no strict rules to dating. (Yes, after reading all those 19). Do what makes you two happy. It is your world, create your own guidelines. If you need them. Point is, be happy. Be very happy, life is finite. Forget the world, eeer we don’t care about your life, even if we do pretend to care!

There you have it. Before you attack me with all your keyboarding skills and cuts and what have you, please re-read rule number 20. Cram it. Master it. Put it to heart. Then just laugh because I’ll have you know that even though I know all these rules by heart, yours truly is a single girl! And this piece could be misguided! LOL

Enjoy your future dates. And share your stories.

Anne Kansiime’s Show Pulled Off Citizen TV

 

After what happened to Teacher Wanjiku -what with her show getting unceremoniously cancelled, the fact that Anne kansiime hasn’t been appearing on Citizen Tv has caught some attention. And the issue was addressed by none other than Anne Kansiime herself. Was it a case of lack of content or poor ratings? well, this was what she had to say:

Post by Kansiime Anne / Entertainer.

Obama announces plans to extend visa for international students

President Obama has announced a program that will see international students studying in the US extend their stay in the country through internships and professional training.

The Optional Practical Training (OPT) program allows international students to extend their visas for up to 29 months. Students studying sciences, technology, engineering or math (STEM) can stay in the US for more than 2 years after their studies, while other fields have a year for internship.

International students, including Kenyan students, are allowed to take the OPT program before they complete their studies, but the condition is that the internship they take must be directly related to their area of study. Students can only work a maximum of 20 hours a week. This applies to undergraduate and graduate students.

More information: F-1 OPT