AWINJA of PAPA SHIRANDULA takes selfies with CHIPUKEEZY. Is she hot? PHOTOS!

Spotted in a club. These ladies are naughty... 18+ Only! Ooh God!

Forget about selfies. This is the realest. LOL! Only men allowed!

PHOTO of DIAMOND before the fame and money. HAHAHAHA! SEE for yourselves!

Socialite Risper Faith: I do not date broke men!

By Pulse Team

Popular socialite Risper Faith has disputed reports that she conned a former friend of Sh15,000 that he gave her to secure a house the two were putting up at.

Edward, the man in the mix called the Pulse desk claiming that the socialite asked him to give her the cash as payment to her landlord (one Jimmy) only for the landlord to report that he had not received the money after Risper moved from the Kasarani spot to an uptown Kilimani residence last weekend.

“The truth is that the landlord has my rent deposit and I only picked an equivalent of the same from Edward as a compensation as I did not want the long hustle with the landlord. I had been housing Edward, feeding him, clothing him and God knows what... and I don’t see why he is trying to create a storybfrom nothing."

Asked why she was housing a man, the socialite said: “He is a broke a** n**ga and since he was a friend, I was only helping him get his life together. How can I date a man who can’t afford Sh15,000 rent? He should stop saying I was dating him. No! I don’t date broke a*** men.”

Yes! Its official The Mungu Baba hit maker Rufftone to marry fiancée, Krystal, next week!

By Pulse Team.

It is official, and you are hearing it from us, pioneer showbiz gospel rapper Rufftone who is also an ambassador; a Korea public diplomat, is tying the knot next week, Saturday.

During a one-on-one with yours truly, Pulse, the Mungu Baba hit maker confirmed that he will be wedding his fiancée and girlfriend of many years Krystal, who also works with his Lampstand Records recording stable.

"I called you to make this official announcement to you as I didn't want you to get confused by rumours. I am having mywedding next week and I want you to be my guests," he told Pulse.

"It is an invite-only affair and the.guests are still being confirmed," a jubilant Rufftone disclosed.

The ceremony will be an outdoor affair at the new posh Boma Hotel in South C, Pulse has also confirmed.

The two lovers were expected to tie the knot last year but the plans were held back due to family commitments.

We at Egerton University wish him a happy marriage. Goodluck!

+18 only and Men Only!! HUDDAH MONROE releases another NUDE PHOTO.

Bloggers acknowledge us. Stop reposting our stuff; last warning. - Editor

To our fans, here is the photo.

JOEY MUTHENGI- Ex TPF host attacks VERA SIDIKA on social media!

Here is what she had to say;

“I am not opposed to people getting money as y’all know like if that’s your hustle do it but for me that’s not a path I’d encourage anyone to get into, I’m not a fan but I’m not opposed to you getting your money”

This is the beautiful JKUAT student who was burnt to ashes by her LOVER

R.I.P

~ kenyan post

Kenyan men are perverts …..See what this guy did at TUSKYS. HILIRIOUS!

STL AGAIN! This time she is inhaling something BIG! WAH, photo!

"Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit. #BIASHARA video premieres tomorrow (Friday) at
www.stellamwangi.com !!"

#TBT #ThrowBackThursday Three words For Jua Cali...

Is that VICTORIA KIMANI sucking** DIAMOND in a video? Take a LOOK!

University of Nairobi LADIES dress like this to Kill. The new generation of campus girls!

16 WAYS TO KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP STRONG AND WORKING

1. Love Each Other

2. Don’t lie

3. Keep Communication Open

4. Respect each other

5. When You Got Hurt, Just Forgive and Forget

6. Never Talk About Break-Ups

7. Never Say 'Its Ok' when it’s Not

8. Forget About PRIDE

9. If You Say 'Sorry' Mean It

10. Don’t Talk About Your Stupid Ex's

11. Don’t Compare Past To Your Present

12. Appreciate everything your lover does for you no matter its small

13. Be Aware Of His/her Feelings

14. When you get a fight, don’t let the day pass without taking about it or finding ways to resolve it

15. Be faithful forever

16. Don’t Be the Perfect One, Be the RIGHT ONE

Jaramogi Oginga Odinga University Chancellor dies after collapsing at Eldoret International airport

Top scholar and Chancellor of Jaramogi Oginga Odinga University of Science and Technology (JOOUST) Prof Jonathan Ole Karei has passed on.

Prof Karei collapsed at the Eldoret International Airport, just moments before his scheduled flight to Nairobi and was pronounced dead later.

His grief stricken wife Mrs Rachel Karei said the don had been driven to the airport for a flight to Nairobi and that they were shocked to learn of the sad news minutes later.

"Professor's diabetic condition had been controlled and he was well and jovial when he left for the airport," Rachel said.

She added: "He had been quite well and even watched the football world cup finals on Sunday and was okay through Monday and Tuesday. He woke up in the morning and prepared to be taken to the airport. The driver drove him and left after he had checked in".

Read full article

By Titus Too

Kabarak University emerges tops in student business competition; Maseno Third.

Kabarak University (Main Campus) was crowned the 2014 National Champion during the 12th Edition of the Enactus Kenya National Business and Entrepreneurship Competition that was held at Pride Inn Hotel (Nairobi) on July 12, 2014.

They will proceed to Beijing, China later in October for the Enactus World Cup, to battle itvout with other university teams from 37 countries worldwide.

Kabarak University (Nakuru Town Campus) clinched the second position while Maseno University was ranked third.

This is the third time Kabarak University Main Campus has clinched the National Championship title. They won in 2011 and represented Kenya in Malaysia and in 2013 in Cancun Mexico where they advanced to semi-finals at the World Cup.

The Kabarak students spent a total of 12, 800 hours to initiate 3 projects dubbed cheki, legcedes and uripest.

The cheki project focused on people with disabilities in Nakuru and Baringo counties to empower them with entrepreneurial skills in basketry, ornament making and detergent production.

The Legcedes project focused on public health to get rid of jigger menace in Baringo County.

The Uripestbproject sought to control the spread of the lethal necrosis disease in maize by developing the ‘Uripest’ pesticide. This saw the increase in maize production, profit among farmers, job creation and food security in Baringo and Nakuru Counties.

The projects impacted the lives of over 800 people directly and over 12,000 people indirectly.

The Kabarak University (Nakuru Town campus) flagship project focused on developing cooling equipment for Mogotio slaughterhouse and improved hygiene in the beef sector.

Maseno University in their "Emabungo Lumiluci" project facilitated access to solar lamps in Vihiga and Kisumu Counties.

The competition attracted over 600 students from 20 Enactus Kenya affiliate university teams (private and public). The event was also graced by Mao Yizong, Chief of Information and Public Affairs Section, Embassy of the People’s Republic of China in Kenya. Mr Yizong hailed the Enactus Kenya initiative for facilitatin partnerships among businesses, universities, students and communities.

He welcomed the winning team to China and asked it to be good ambassadors of Kenya.

~ Standard Digital

To YOUTHS!! President Uhuru Kenyatta opens Toyota academy that will partner with Uwezo fund

NAIROBI: President Uhuru Kenyatta has welcomed Toyota Corporation’s investment in the country, saying it is an endorsement of the confidence the company has in Kenya

Speaking today in Nairobi when he launched the Toyota Tshusho Corporate Social Venture Fund for Africa, President Kenyatta termed the multinational’s initiatives ‘a m major boost to the Government’s efforts to create employment for the youth’.

He noted that the Fund – with capital provided by Toyota m Corporation –will promote and co-finance income generating projects that Kenyan youth have chosen for themselves.

“It will complement the Government’s Uwezovand Youth Fund initiatives, hastening employment creation and economic development,” the President said.

The President also opened the Toyota Kenya Academy and the company’s new business park in Nairobi.

“Now, Toyota Kenya and its parent company, Toyota Corporation, have very clearly understood our needs and – amid all the excitement in and around us – have quietly gone about committing substantial resources to complement the Government’s efforts to address Kenyans’ needs,” he said.

Continue to the full article.

PART FOUR!! AFTER SEX; Terrorised by Lesbian Teens- high school girls. Hilirious and shocking!

PART FOUR.....

SHOCKING REVELATIONS: Maya and Hamida WERE NOT EXPELLED FROM SCHOOL FOR BEING.LESBIANS. BUT FOR PRACTISING SATANISM.

Kev takes close to 5 minutes outside...No word yet...No response...

Slowly, I climbed down Hamida.. And sat up on the bed....

Maya sat up too...And started rummaging for her bra, blouse..skirt...pants...whatever...

Hamida just lay there..Unflinchingly. And as I stepped down to grab around for my pants,Hamida grabbed the blankets and covered herself.... Clutching tightly onto the thready blanket, she stuck her head out...And waited.

Mood was pensive. Its now around 4.00am in the Morning.

I stepped down and tip-toed to the door...

"Weh,Ken usitoke..." Maya admonished.

" sitoki," I assured her...inching closer to the slightly open door.

Hamida wouldn't move...she remained immobile, head stuck out of the blankets...

Outside, I saw nothing. Not even Kev.

I was still hard...And that was a.problem.

Maya dressed up and sat up on the bed...feet touching the ground.

Carefully, I stepped out....And looked around.

NOTHING. NO KEVIN. NO GUY WALKING AROUND.

I turned back...and walked into the house...then I switched on the lights.

"zima ! Zima lights!" Hamida ordered.

'Ntazima Ngoja..."

"Apaana, Zima tu!" She reiterated.

I didn't.

Furiously, I stormed out,OPENING the door AS WIDE as I could.

I was apprehensive....But brave all together... As I walked towards the toilets, I thought I heard someone  sigh.

I looked back. NOTHING.

I walked on...

"Kevo....Kevo...Acha ufala....Kevo WACHA UJINGA!!! Kevooooo!!!" I called out, utterly impatient at him.

No answer.

"Fala hii Naenda kufunga Mlango! Na nko SERIOUS!!" I threatened.

Still, NO ANSWER.

I put my phone on..And trained the phone light towards the toilets.

I saw the toilet door close gently.. As if blown by a soft wind....

Kev must be in there, PRANKING ME! I thought.

Quickly putting off my phone, I stealthily trudged towards the toilet.

I stood outside for a couple seconds, gently grabbed the door handle and, swiftly, swang it OPEN!!!

" Keeeen!!! Keeeeen!!" I heard Maya call out!!

"Keeeeeeen! Ken!" the calls were frantic...and persistent.

I swing the door open, flickered my light around it and saw NOBODY.

Its now 4.30am in the Morning...I heard Dogs howling from Outside...

Quickly, I dashed towards house and before I got in, the gate OPENED.

Scared to death, I poured into the house, shut the door ASAP and flew into Bed.

Maya was there...totally covered up under the sheets...

"Hamida ako ??"

"Ametoka...Ametoka saa hii tu...." Maya said,her head still covered under the sheets.

"Ametoka??? Aje?? Kwanini?? How??? Maya WHAT IS HAPPENING??!!?" I yelled. I was scared as shit.

Door is closed. Maya won't come up from under the sheets. Hamida is GONE. And Kev is playing a sick joke!

I switched ON the lights....And realized that Hamida's Bag had been freshly opened.

And as I bent over to inspect the Bag, Maya.yelled,

" Achana Nayo!"

"Ati??"

"Bag! Achana na hiyo Bag!" Maya commanded, sitting Up.

"Ken ACHANA NA HIYO BAG!!" she roared once more.

"Fuck it! What is HAPPENING HERE??? MAYA, WHAT IS GOING ON!?? TELL ME! DAMMIT!" I growled at Maya, totally pissed off.

"Never Mind..." Maya said,stepping out of Bed...

Its 4.50am now....In the Morning.

" FUCK YOU, Maya!!! FUUCK YOU!!! What is HAPPENING??? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE???!!!" I was irredeemably enraged.

Maya looked at Me,and broke down...

She cried hard... very hard...

As Maya was crying, I heard a KNOCK...

I WONT OPEN that,I swore.

I WONT OPEN THAT!!!

Knocking went On...

"Nifungulie Ken..." I heard Kev's voice...But the voice was pale and subdued...Weak and whispery.
I walked over to the door and opened it...

And then I SAW KEVIN. He was another person to Me!

Kev was lying on the floor.. Writhing in pain, His shirt was badly torn, His belly was scratched, His eyes were pale, Mouth was trembling and foaming and his right hand's thumb was twitching hard!!

"Maya!!! Maaaya!!! WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE??!! MAYAA!!" I cried out, fell over Kevin and sighed hard.

Doors stated opening. Neighbors started waking up.

One by One,Doors opened....

Neighbours started streaming out.. Others dressed in Pyjamas, Men wearing Vests and shorts, Women wrapped in Shukas and Kangas and a couple kids too....

And as a pack of Neighbours started approaching my door,

LIGHTS WENT OFF!! BLACKOUT!!

Women gasped. And Men gulped.

I cried out...Holding on to Kevin.. And inviting Neighbours into our house...

Fearfully, people started streaming into my house...

Falling over my utensils...And knocking over my Water jerrycans...

Maya stationed herself at a corner. SPEECHLESS.

Step by step, I narrated the Whole story to the curious Neighbourhood...

Kev was still laying on the bed at the floor....panting hard, grimacing and frowning uneasily.

"Na mnajua hawa wasichana?" A random Man asked.

"Hapaana...' I replied..

More people were walking into the tiny house...Others crowding at the door and windows.

"Na wako wapi hao Wasichana?" A woman asked....

"Ndiye huyu mmoja wao...." I replied, pointing at a shaken Maya.

And after almost 30 hard Minutes of concerted efforts by the miffed neighbours to EXPLAIN HERSELF or face a thorough beating, Maya obliged.

"Mlifukuziwa Nini?? Kwenu ni Wapi? Wapi Rafiki Yako???" Questions flowed steadily.

And MAYA MADE A SHOCKING CONFESSION.

Maya CONFESSED that THEY were Not expelled for LESBIANISM. NO.

Intact, they were NOT even LESBIANS.

" sawaaa! Basi mlifukuziwa nini?? Mlifukuziwa nini msichana!!??" A neighbour yelled, grabbing Maya by her neck and shaking her violently.

And shockingly, Maya spilled the beans...

"Ni mambo ya Devil Worshipping.... Lakini...Lakini...." Maya started.

The crowd sighed hard. And whimpered.

Women walked out hastily. And Men stumbled our too...

Within a span of 3 minutes EVERYONE had walked out....ran out...streaked out in a huff.....

The whole place was plunged into a maddening frenzy...a stampede. Women were thrown into deep shock... And Men hurried away....

And one by One, DOORS WERE SHUT...Door after Door after Door...Doors were shut in a snap!

I left too...Running towards the GATE...

And as soon as EVERYONE was safely tucked into their houses,Lights came back on...

The Gate was open...And,looking down, I saw a huge, Blue Book.... With Gold inscriptions... And what appeared to.be Arabic writing...

And as I bent over to pick up the book, I heard a voice call out again,

"Achana Nayo...."

It was Hamida. And she was standing right at my door.

~Cabu Gah

Lets show our tyranny of numbers at Afrimma. Vote for SAUTISOL as BEST GROUP AFRICA!

This is the chance to show Africa we can! VOTE VOTE VOTE!

Here is the group plea for YOU. Lets do it!

"Just about 48 hours till voting for us at #Afrimma closes. Log into www.afrimma.com select Best Group Africa and Sauti Sol. Let's do this!! Good day Fam!"

Nasa says Earth is surrounded by aliens life living in our galaxy

USA: Around 100 million worlds in our galaxy could host alien life, according to a ‘conservative’ prediction by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration.

Scientists believe we are not alone - andbpredict we’ll know who are nearest neighbours are in 20 years.

Around 100 million worlds in our galaxy could host alien life, according to a ‘conservative’ prediction by Nasa.

The US space agency say we will be able to find that life within the next two decades, with a high chance it will be outside our solar system.

“Sometime in the near future, people will be able to point to a star and say, ‘that star has a planet like Earth’,” said Sara Seager, an American professor of planetary science and physics revealed at a conference in Washington.

“Just imagine the moment when we find potential signatures of life ” agreed Matt Mountain, a space telescope expert.

“Imagine the moment when the world wakes up and the human race realises that its long loneliness in time and space may be over - the possibility we’re no longer alone in the universe.”

NASA astronomer Kevin Hand said: “I think in the next 20 years we will find out we are not alone in the universe.”

Nasa Administrator Charles Bolden added: “I would venture to say that most of my colleagues here say it is improbable that in the limitless vastness of the universe we humans stand alone.”

Mars and a number of moons in our solar system have been the focus of the search for alien life for decades.

But new telescopes launched into space have massively increased the number of planets outside our solar system that may support life.

Since its launch in 2009 the Kepler telescope has found billions of planets in our galaxy.

Kepler also found the first Earth size planet to orbit in the ‘habitable zone’ of a star, the region where liquid water can exist.

“What we didn’t know five years ago is that perhaps 10 to 20 per cent of stars around us have Earth-size planets in the habitable zone,” said Matt Mountain, director and Webb telescope scientist at the Space Telescope Science Institute in Baltimore.

“It’s within our grasp to pull off a discovery that will change the world forever.”

Nasa is now hoping to launch of the Transiting Exoplanet Surveying Satellite (Tess) in 2017, the James Webb Space Telescope in 2018, and potentially the proposed Wide Field Infrared Survey Telescope - Astrophysics Focused Telescope Assets early in the next decade.

All three missions will be able to track and explore possible sources of alien life in far more detail.

By Mirror

For ladies! Gorgeous fashion...you MUST try it out! Sexy!

Hilirious photo of a Dog with Self Control! What about humans?

She spent Kshs. 3M on plastic Surgery to look like Kim Kardashian Unlike Vera Sidika who bleached for Kshs. 50M! LOL!

According to Claire Lesson (SHM.com) she spent $35,000 (Ksh 3,071,250) on breast implants, hair extensions, make-up, spray tans and clothing in a bid to look like her idol Kim Kardashian.

But our own Vera Sidika claimed she spent 50M only on bleaching. Is bleaching expensive than surgery?

We think ladies want only to look expensive than what they are.

Meanwhile, Vera Sidika is the talk of the country as a possible contestant for BBA this september.

JOKE OF THE DAY! She mistook it for Bananas....

Sally was one of those UGLY women, so ugly that it hurt; she had never had a boyfriend.

So she went to a psychic for help.

"Honey!" said the psychic.

"You will not have luck in love in this life. But after death, you will be a much desired woman and all men will fall at your feet."

Sally left very happy and so excited, as she went over a bridge she thought;

"The sooner I die, the sooner my next happy life begin"

So she decided to jump off the bridge right away.

But, incredibly Sally didn't die after she jumped!

She fell on the back of a truck full
of bananas, she lost her senses and fainted.

As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and not being able to see very well and not knowing where she was, she started touching and feeling her surroundings, feeling all the bananas!

Lol..lol.. she mumbled with a huge smile on her face and said "GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN, PLEASE!! ONE AT A TIME!"

Introducing the BIASHARA video - STL, Khaligraph and Kristoff. For all HIPHOP HEADS.

The Video is dropping this Friday.

Stay tuned here....

Chris Brown's girlfriend Karreuche Tran break down as she admits she's ''fighting a battle''' with Rihanna

Chris Brown's on/off girlfriend Karreuche Tran broke down on TV as she spoke about how hard she finds it dating Rihanna's ex.

The 26-year-old , who stood by Brown while he served a 108-day jail sentence, admitted she feels like she's battling with the Pour it Up hitmaker , who dated Chris Brown from 2005-2009 .

Speaking on Just Keke, Karreuche said: "I've never dated a celebrity before so it was very new to me. Paparazzi and all that," she said, crediting a "level head and positivity" in helping her through it.

"And then, even the situation with Rihanna, you know the reason why people tuned into this so much was because it's relatable. I have girlfriends; I have family who's gone through the same situation. It's the case of the ex. We all go through it, do you know what I'm saying" she said.

"In this case my boyfriend is a celebrity whosebex-girlfriend is an even bigger [celebrity]...so, I'm not only am I fighting a battle with her, I'm fighting a battle with her 14 million fans or however else.

"So, imagine how that feels for me when I gotta get on Twitter and I see a whole bunch of stuff...they make up all kinds of crazy stuff and it's like they know nothing about me."

"But, you know, because they know nothing about me, because I stay so mute sometimes, that leaves open space for them to say whatever they want."

Karreuche insisted she is trying to stay positive and level-headed in the middle of the love triangle, but admitted it has been difficult.

~SDE

Did you know you can spend less on M-PESA? It is this SIMPLE and Easy!

Come with me slowly, let me teach you how to grant yourself a ‘DISCOUNT’…..

1. To withdraw 200 costs Ksh27. Alternatively: Withdraw 100 @10, Then another 100 @10 Total= 20. SAVE 7bob.

2. To withdraw 5,000 costs you Ksh 66. Alternatively: Withdraw 2500 @27, then another 2500 @27 Total= 54. SAVE 12bob

3. To withdraw 12000 costs you Ksh 159. Alternatively: Withdrawv10,000 @110, then the remaining 2000 @27 Total= 137. SAVE 22bob.

4. To withdraw 40,000 costs you Ksh 275 Alternatively: Withdraw 35,000 @187, then the remaining 5,000 @66 Total= 253. SAVE 22bob.

5. To withdraw 10,100 costs you Ksh 159. Alternatively: Withdraw 10,000 @110 then the remaining 100 @10 Total= 120. SAVE 39bob… etc.etc….

You see? Halafu mna-complain ati Safaricom ni wezi. Wewe ndiye umekataa kufikiria zaidi ya Safaricom!!!

FANYA HESABU!!

Just like VERA SIDIKA, CAROLINE MUTOKO Bleached. Photos!

Kiss 100’s Caroline Mutoko was among the few Kenyan celebrities who came out to defend Vera Sidika at a time everybody was lashing out at her for bleaching.

But it now seems that the no-nonsense radio queen was defending Vera with a reason. She may have also decided to bleach. A close look at her shows a striking difference from Carol of 2012 to the one today. See the photos below, she is in the initial stages.

Shaffie for Big Brother show?

Word on the street has it that celebrated radio host and versatile showbiz personality Shaffie Weru is being considered to represent Kenya in this year's Big Brother Africa reality TV show that kicks off in South Africa in September.

The controversial star who poses a bad-boy persona is said to be among three other media personalities, a fashion model and a socialite being considered for the global show.

However, Shaffie has remained shy from discussing the issue. Last year, Shaffie had been tipped to represent Kenya in the reality TV show.

He later told the media that he was not so interested with staying in an 'enclosed house' while "I could be out here making money".

By Steven Kisuli Muendo ~ SDE

Biashara tingz!! STL shows men her sexy tighs; ONLY FOR MEN!

NO STUDENT FROM MOI UNIVERSITY DIED OF TAKING ILLICIT BREW, DEAN REFUTES MAINSTREAM MEDIA

The Dean of Students, through MUSO Health Director Consolata Waithera, has affirmed that no student from Moi University succumbed to illicit liquor as it was reported in a certain leading national mainstream media house yesterday.

Dean D.M. Murithi affirmed that the two who were reported dead after consuming illicit brew were bonafide students of Eldoret Polytechnic and not Moi Main Campus.

According to him, only one student from Main Campus was affected and that he is in better condition at the Moi Teaching and Referral Hospital.

Earlier yesterday, it had been reported that two students from Moi University had died after taking illicit brews, a story that brought shock to both students m and the nation as a whole.

Nonetheless, the school’s administration blames mainstream media for irresponsible reporting for having used Moi University’s name to publish ‘fleshy’ news item.

MUSO Director of Health, Ms. ConsolatavWaithera told The 3rd Eye; “They (School Administration) tried to rectify the information by 10:30 a.m. but since media houses could not have made catchy news using the Eldoret Polytechnic, that’s why they have been using our name. The truth still stand that no comrade is dead so far.”

The issue of illicit brew has claimed over seventy lives in the country this year the recent being in Nandi where 11 people died after consuming illicit liquor.

Reports by Francis Omondi

HILIRIOUS photos of CHIPUKEEZY after losing his World Cup bet. He showed up at work, Kiss 100, in a skirt! Those legs, LOL!

PART THREE!!!! SEX; Terrorised by Lesbian Teens- high school girls. Hilirious and shocking!

WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT. THIS STORY CONTAINS GRAPHIC ADULT MATERIAL. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

CHAPTER THREE....

A NIGHT OF DRAMA.. TEMPTATIONS... EROTICISM.. PASSION...AND THEN HORROR

As we approached the toilets,I heard muffled noises emanating from that direction.

It was dark and chilly...and they had put out the phone light.

We approached...Closer...Closer.. walking by the tips of our feet . Trying our best to remain anonymous... Holding our breath and craning our necks.

I heard noises reminiscent of the noises made by a passionate smooch...And I knew that these girls had been engrossed in deep smooches...

"Maya..." I called out.

There was silence...a brief silence.. followed by a flickering light dispensed from their mobile phone...

"Hamida..." I called again.

"eeeeh..." Hamida answered... stepping out from the dark loo. clearly,adjusting her blouse...

Maya tottered right after her.. Head bowed down...And hair unkempt.

I harshly reprimanded them for DARING to sneak out in the dark ONLY to participate in carnal activities.

" Mlikuwa mnaduu??" I asked Maya, angrily.

"Gosh...si tulikuwa loo...Gosh ! Ken! Seriously??" Maya flusteredly answered.

"For half an hour??"

"Aaaiii si nijuu naumwa na tumbo! Gosh!"

Hamida shot back, her defense game higher than a weed man.

"really?...sawa...twendeni kwa hao .." I said,exasperated.

Kev just stood there...staring into the dark...Unsure of now to react or what to say.

It was dark. And chilly. All the neighbors were asleep. Dead asleep, I guess.

We tip-toed back into our house flipped the door curtain aside and crept in surreptitiously.

Maya was the last one to get in. And as I was turning away from the door after ensuring that it was tightly shut, I saw a figure flit across the window. I thought it would be some random neighbour dashing to the loo...Or the caretaker.

And as I was bending over to try and slip into bed...I saw the figure again...A dark figure, flitting across the window from the outside...and just then, I thought I saw the loose curtains flutter in the wind and I heard abmuffled sigh.

Kev heard the sound too...and saw the figure.

"Umeona? Umecheki??" Kev asked, quick...

"Eeeh I guess ni Caretaker...Ama neighbour tu..." I said to Kevin hopeful and confidently.

The girls cuddled up...And slipped m under the sheets.

I crept into the sheets myself...And nudged Kev to push a little further..and create space for Me.

Barely 10 minutes after I crept under the sheets, I heard a buzz on my phone. An indication of a text message.

It was now 1.50am. In the morning.

I reached out for my phone...In the dark...and couldn't trace it... I stretched my hand further...still covered up in the sheets...But frantically trying to feel my phone from around the floor...

I felt it. And dragged it under the sheets. And then I put it on to read the text....

"Aaaaah zima phone baana..." Kev protested.

"Nazima Man...Kiasi tu..." I assured him.

I had received ONE TEXT MESSAGE..
..From Maya.

Yes, THE SAME Maya sleeping one meter away from Me.

I opened up the text to read it ...

'Kwani umedoz? ' Maya had texted.

'Nope. Kwann?' I replied.

'Aki 2naxskia baridi..' she replied.

My phone beeped again after receiving that text.

"Aaaaah zima phone Man! Ai ! Ni saa saba banaa !" Again, Kev  remonstrated.

"Naziiima Boss. Nazima ,dakika moja..."

"Weka silent basi...Madame watakuua Boss...yaani mnachat hadi saa nane usiku ??" Kev responded, and slithered back to slumber.

'Qwani wot z h sayn ?' Maya texted.

'Hehe Ati nizime fon...' I replied.

'Haha,c u kam join us...' Maya replied.

'Haha u crazy! '

'No,am ciriuoz. lyk,kam join us,juz dat. Plz...'

'Why' I asked.

'Its cold,duh? Ur plc z cold aki,plzz. plus tunaskia uwoga...'

'Hehe....Ok,u nid to slp Maya. Seriously. Doze. Talk kesho..'

'Ken pliiiz,nthn wl hppn, juz join us.."

'Na Kevo....?'

'si ashaadoze. Come on!'

I listened to Kevin. He was deep asleep...and snoring for that matter....

Temptations ran HIGH....HIGH.. HIGH....

'sooo?' Maya texted.

'Hmmm am confused...' I replied.

'aaaiii kam! B a man! Its nthn big! Come on!'

I must have sat up on my mattress for a whole 15 minutes...unsure of whether to join THEM or Not.

My blood is pumping hard..My body is getting sexually illuminated....Am breathing hard...

Its 2.20am.

Still cold. Still Dark. Very Dark.

Kev is asleep now. Sleepy as Death.

I crept out of bed...And wriggled over to the bed...

I stepped into it...And felt Maya's warm hands embracing Me.....

'Ingia' she whispered.....

Breath's getting stronger....and stronger...

Hamida turned around....And sat up....

'Ingia katikati....' Hamida said.

I obliged. Horny as a homeless dog.
SHOCK ON ME.

Maya and Hamida were STARK NAKED. Nude as the Moon.

As I squirmed under the warm sheets, I felt Maya's strong, nubile breasts pressing against Me.

"Toa tishoo...' Maya said, helping Me undress.

I did.

Breathing's getting STRONGER. I could blow UP RIGHT NOW!!!

Maya carefully jumped On Me.. and slithered her way right up and down my torso....My chest... I could feel Hamida pulling down my pants...

"No....am NOT READY FOR th...' I started saying before Maya leaned over and blacked out my speech with an Almighty kiss.....

I could feel Maya's firm breasts pressing against My chest...And I could feel her heartbeat...it was strong and fast and loud...

Kisses flowed ...Flowed endlessly... And then I felt the velvety soft hands creeping up my thighs.. stroking Me,teasing Me...reaching for the D...

Those were Hamida's hands....she rubbed my thighs...And reached up further for the prize..

Maya pushed herself up and sat on MY FACE!!! SHE SAT ON MY FACE!!!

And slowly and craftily, Maya moved her pelvic area around my face.....

Maya WAS NUDE. NO UNDERWEAR. NOTHING.

And as she sat on Me,My manhood blew Up!!! I got hard. Harder than the Pythagoras theorem.

Maya moved her goodies across my face....And pressed against Me. ..Hard...she sat on Me....on My mouth....

Hamida, on the other hand was busy blessing me with a thousand offering of a job better known as a BLOW...

"suck Me..." Maya ordered.

And suck I did. Hard. Every little drop of her Juice. I SUCKED.

Maya then climbed down prostrated herself on the bed looking up and commanded Me,

'Kuja Juu...' she whispered.

Hard, I BOUNCED ON HER and buried Myself between her cleavage... Boob By Boob...Nipple by Nipple...I worked on those twins...And painted them in the Colours Of Love...

She cooed and moaned and sighedband dug her nails into my back...

"Go Lower....' she commanded.

Hamida shot up...And went straight onto Maya's Head...And sat on her face...

Hamida's back was facing Me...And her naked butt was facing Me too.. dancing and moving...Her butt crack shimmered under then late night light....and I could see a huge dragon tattoo above her ass...

I grabbed Hamida's breasts....And pulled her Over...

" Go LOWER! LOWER!! ' Maya Ordered, taking a break from  sucking Hamida's Juices.

I went LOWER....And LOWER...

And Maya lost herself...

And as I went there, my head totally buried into her secret garden, she threw her legs tightly behind Me and pushed my head deeper into her....

Her legs grabbed Me tight...And Hamida pushed

My head EVEN DEEPER...

And as my tongue came into the warm contact of her 'other lips' I could feel that she had a ring... a cold, metallic ring clashed against my teeth and I immediately knew that she had pierced her outer private parts...I stroked the ring.. Carefully and .tenderly...while running my tongue down the sweet valley....licking up the juices and sending her into a World of sheer Nirvana....

I flickered my tongue around the gate of her Kingdom playfully, and m when I pushed it in, she grabbed My head and pushed it hard...Deeper...

"Ingiza Yote...' she implored between deep, erotic breaths...

And when she grabbed a pillow and placed it under her butt stretching her dainty legs widest and starting to gyrate and wiggle her waist, that's when I KNEW it was TIME FOR ACTION. REAL, FULL ACTION!!

Let's DO THIS! I said to Myself.. Eating her out like a hungry Civil War survivor...

Hamida leant over and whispered to Me,

"I've NEVER BEEN with a Man..."

And I whispered back, "I will make You FORGET WOMEN..."

Immediately Hamida leapt over laid on the bed facing up, grabbed me over and Commanded Me!!

"Make ME FORGET WOMEN!!"

I jumped onto her, grabbed her by her head, threw My arms around her neck, bent over,felt her breasts against My body and then Ibfelt her hand reach down to my Manhood.....

"INGIZA..." she commanded.

I tried mentally locating the sweet valley....I missed and went hardvinto her ass...TWICE!

She shrieked... And offered to helpcMe out....

She grabbed it and breathing hard and moaning harder,bPUSHED my D into HER...

I WENT IN.....it was the smoothest warmest slide into Heaven...

she closed her eyes, threw her head back and sighed loudly...

I was supporting myself with My right hand as I was busy pumping and thrusting and pushing and bombing the daylights out of Hamida...

I lifted her left leg high....And placed it on my shoulder...I bent her over slightly to her side and pulled her closer to Me...I pushed it in...So hard, so perfectly and so deeply I could almost feel her heart with my German Machine...

I was sweating hard...And Hamida was in another World...totally lost on the Moment...

Maya grabbed my left hand...Quick ..and led me over to her bosom.... I felt them..the twins... the boobies.. and I fondled them and played them one by one...Like a sexual musical instrument...grabbing the nipples proper..twisting and twingling them....

And then Maya grabbed my hand again...And led me towards her secret garden...her sweet valley.. she was now so damn wet...wetter than a cold July Morning in Limuru..

She carefully picked out my index finger andvmiddle finger...And m gently, slid them into her...into her warm, cushy valley of pleasure.. My fingers went in..In...In...

Maya blacked out. Engulfed in cataclysmic pleasure.

And as I looked up in order to change styles, I saw the same dark figure flit across the Window again. ..I felt a sudden deep cold strike across my ass....And the window curtain flipped again....And when the bed shook, Hamida laughed...

And soflty said,'shalaka...'

My heart froze.

These girls MUST Be Evil...

"Kevo..." I called out,hunched over Hamida but still deep inside her...

"Ebu enda kwa dirisha..ucheki ni nani huyo anashinda akipita pita hapo..."

Kev arose, walked to the window and....i naudibly, pushed aside the curtain....

"Sioni msee....ama labda ni Caretaker...." Kev said, walking up to the door.

Discreetly, Kev opened the door.. and stepped out....

Hamida laughed again.

~ Cabu Gah

They thought they had the best excuse for snubbing exams, it then nailed them! Hilirious!

Three third year students didn’t write an exam because they did not study. They came up with a plan, got themselves dirty using grease then went to see the Dean Proff.

“Sir we are sorry we couldn’t make it to then exam. We attended a wedding and on our way back the car broke down thus we became so dirty as you can see.”

The Dean understood and gave them three days to prepare. After three days they went to the Dean very ready for the exam because they had studied. The Dean put them in their separate classes. There were only four questions in the exam paper:

1. Who and who got married? (25 mks)

2. Where was the reception held? (25mks)

3. Where exactly did the car break down? (25mks)

4. What type of car broke down?
(25mks)

Note: Your answers must be the same. Good luck!

Describe The Dean In just One word.

Interesting conversation among FATHER, Son and Gilfriend

A boy was with his father when he saw his girlfriend coming.

BOY: Have you come to collect your book titled; "SPEAK ENGLISH MY DAD DOESN'T UNDERSTAND IT?" by Ngozi Okafor.

Girl: No, I want that our hymns called "WHERE SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU?"

Boy: I don't have that one... may be you should take the other one "UNDER THE.MANGO TREE" by Crooks.

Girl: Fine but don't forget to bring "I WILL CALL YOU IN 5 MINS" while coming to school...

Boy: I will also bring this one too, "I WON'T LET YOU DOWN" by Chinua
Achebe.

Then;

Dad: These are too many, will she read all of them?

Boy: Yes dad, she is very smart.

Dad: Okay, don't forget to give her the one on the table titled, "I AM NOT STUPID, I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING YOU'VE BEEN SAYING" by Shakespeare!

Inspirational Speech by Steve Jobs that will forever change you! A must read!

Steve Jobs (1955–2011, 56), founder of Apple Inc, gave this amazing and inspirational speech to Stanford University graduates on June 12, 2005.

Watch or read below his wise and thoughtful words.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three
stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly
that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting
list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an
unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to
college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of
my working-class parents’ savings
were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life.

But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it’s likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do.

Of course it was impossible
to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started?

Well, as  Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down – that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me —

I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over. I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again,less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started
a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film,
Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it.

Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer.

I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, m and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die.

It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I’m fine now.

This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope it’s the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away.

Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true. Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogmab— which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960′s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions. Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue.

It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. Onthe back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Testing For Gossip. You can't afford to Miss this! Especially ladies.

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said,
“Do you know what I just heard about your friend?”

“Hold on a minute”, Socrates replied.

“Before telling me anything I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”

“Triple filter?”

“That’s right”, Socrates continued.

“Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say. That’s why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“No,” the man said, “Actually I just heard about it and …”

“All right”, said Socrates.

“So you don’t really know if it’s true or not.Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?”

“No, on the contrary.”

“So”, Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test though,because there’s one filter left: The filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really.”

“Well”, concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”

Everyone MUST learn from this Mango tree; Our parents; real life. Amazing piece!

Once upon a time, there lived a big mango tree. A little boy loved to come and play around it everyday.

He climbed to the tree top, ate the mangoes, took a nap under the shadow… He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him.

Time went by… The little boy grew, and he no longer played around the tree.

One day, the boy came back to the tree with a sad look on his face.

“Come and play with me,” the tree asked the boy.

“I am no longer a kid, I don’t play around trees anymore.” The boy replied,  “I want toys. I need money to buy them.”

“Sorry, I don’t have money… but you can pick all my mangoes and sell them so you will have money.”

The boy was so excited. He picked all the mangoes on the tree and left happily. The boy didn’t come back. The tree was sad.

One day, the boy grown into a man returned. The tree was so excited.

“Come and play with me,” the tree said.

“I don’t have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?”

“Sorry, I don’t have a house, but you can chop off my branches to build your house.”

So the man cut all the branches off the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the boy didn’t come back afterward. The tree was again lonely and sad.

One hot summer day, the man returned and the tree was delighted.

“Come and play with me!” The tree said.

“I am sad and getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat?”

“Use my trunk to build your boat. You can sail far away and be happy.”

So the man cut the tree trunk to make a boat. He went sailing and didn’t come back for a long time.

Finally, the man returned after he had been gone for so many years.

“Sorry, my boy, but I don’t have anything for you anymore. No more mangoes to give you.” The tree said.

“I don’t have teeth to bite,” the man replied.

“No more trunk for you to climb on”

“I am too old for that now,” the man said.

“I really can’t give you anything… the only thing left is my dying roots ” the tree said with sadness.

“I don’t need much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after all these years,” the man replied.

“Good! Old tree roots are the best place to lean on and rest. Come sit down with me and rest.”

The boy sat down and the tree was glad and smiled.

The tree in the story represents our parents. When we are young, we love to play with them. When we grow up, we leave them and only come back when we need help. Parents sacrifice their lives for us.

Please Share the joy with someone.

Elephant

The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.”

Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”

The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.

The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”

Clever kids

A police officer found a perfect hiding place for watching for.speeding motorists.

One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so he investigated and found the problem.

A 10 years old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.”

A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket at his feet full of change.

Wrong email address

A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

The child and his mother.

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”